RECEIPTS

Yesterday I went into Monmouth and bought some frozen peas and had a mocha.  Why did I end up with a pocket full of receipts? Am I likely to ask for my money back on my mocha a week later? Even worse, I am often asked to fill in  a questionnaire: how do you rate your frozen pea experience on a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 is unbearably exciting and 10 is disastrously dire?  I gave this much thought and decided that six and a half was appropriate but that was not allowed. I will ask for a ballot box and post the receipts into it bearing the appropriate number of ticks and crosses: true democracy there then!

MODERN MOTHS

My wardrobe used to be inhabited by old-fashioned Lepidoptera of decent size, restrained eating habits and the acceptance that moth balls were things to die for not dance at. Now I have the present generation of teenagers: tiny, indiscriminately voracious for any fabric and partying giddily at the smell of the little sachets I put in there to see them off.  If they all love wool so much, why aren't sheep covered with the little blighters?

Landovery statue

This marvellous creation stands proudly rising near the ruins of the castle overlooking the main car park in Llandovery. It is worth a detour as it glints magnificently in the sun and the plaque is equally unusual. He was a rebel supporting Glydwr (Glendower of recent TV fame) and boasts the tongue-twisting name of Llywelyn ap Gruffydd Fychan of Caeo, hanged, drawn and quaartered on October 9th 1401. I have analysed Skakespeare's play, Henry IV pt i ( which does not, unfortunately, include Llewelyn but does feature Glendower), on my website: Classics of English Literature: essays by Barbara Daniels

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU ...

... that I should like to have genetically modified.

1)   The way you snore directly in my ear;
2)   and when I call, "Food's ready!" disappear
      just long enough for souffles to collapse;
3)   your tendency to mumble, "Mmm ... perhaps
      or, on the other hand, mmm ... maybe not,"
4)   that funny little wart-like, dark red spot
      on your bald patch; 5) your pigeon-toed left foot;
6)   and, while they're at it, get your chin to jut
      a half inch forward, level with your lips;
7)   expand your chest commensurate with your hips;
8)   I hope they can retune your nasal voice;
9)   my mother always felt, if she'd the choice,
      she'd modify the somewhat piggy size
10 a & b)
      and shape and coloration of your eyes;
      in fact she said (I didn't like her tone)
      there wasn't much that she would leave alone
      but since I love you, darling, as you are,
      (almost) I wouldn't venture quite that far
      so, one last thing, I'll number it (10c)
      you are a bit TOO  critical of me.