Monday, 27 April 2015

Weeping willows

I love these trees in any weather but when they are blown in a wind they are so dramatic that I wonder how they remain upright against the blast.

Friday, 24 April 2015


What is the opposite of "hard-working families"? All real words and phrases have antonyms: hard/soft; hot/cold; early rise/lie in. BUT all I can say in answer to my own question is: "idle celibates". How many of them are there to raise tax revenue?

Sunday, 19 April 2015


A couple of weeks ago I bought a perfectly ordinary bottle of red wine from my local Co-op in my usual perfectly ordinary fashion. A few days later I was asked to complete a survey which went something like this with ratings of 1 to 5 depending on my valuations:
1) How would you rate the wine you bought?
2) How would you rate the experience of buying your wine?
3) Did the experience of buying your wine fill you with radiant warmth?
4) Did the experience of drinking your wine fill you with warm radiance?
5) Was the smile on the face of the assistant who served you your wine warm and radiant?
6) Did the dog often chained outside your shop wag its tail in a radiant and warm manner?
7) Please rate your memories of your wine according to the totality of the satisfaction the whole experience gave you.
8) Would you recommend us to your circle of friends for our warmth and radiance?
9) After you had drunk your wine could you even remember what kind it was and where you had bought it?
10) Will you be returning to our local inquisitive shop for your next fulfilling experience of buying wine?

The answer to the last is that I am turning teetotal as a result of this overall life-changing event but I have one question to put to you.
When can I expect a survey to rate my experience of filling in your survey?

Saturday, 11 April 2015


There is something nostalgic about these walkways over the sea, suggestive of British recreation in the days before Abroad, when people took a train or coach to a resort and paddled, strolled on the promenade, listened to the band or rode on donkeys. Goose pimples, candy floss and fish and chips were the main ingredients of a Grand Day Out after which one felt better for the ozone and slept soundly in one's own bed. You could buy Rover tickets and go somewhere different every day for a week, possibly a post war idea of Holidays at Home.

Thursday, 9 April 2015


I am beginning to nurture a deep dislike of trains: expensive, unpunctual and patronising. When one arrives ten minutes late we congratulate it inwardly for being on time! It costs me four times as much to go to London by nasty moquette-seated train as it does to go on the reliable National Express coach with its leather armchairs and classy wooden floors. What bugs me most is the bossy way the announcer tells you to mind the gap between the step and the platform edge. "Who put the gap there in the first place?", I ask.  Grrr.